Green grass under my feet,
The school summer holidays.
Unfettered by grey scratchy uniform and other people’s expectations,
Late sunsets and chips by the sea.
Trying to fall asleep with the sun peeking around the curtains.
Running from the kitchen outside
Into an English garden in late summer...
Ash leaves scattered like heavy fallen shadows on the lawn
A weighing down of my high spirits.
A whisper like a school whistle coming to find me
I don’t want to go back…
Is that where the seed was planted?
A sense of dread at the changing seasons.
'Back to school' already in the shops before the holidays
Had really begun.
And it feels worse in the shops now,
The way they spin the wheel of the year ever faster.
I don’t want to think about Christmas yet…
Can’t we enjoy this endless sun before it sets?
Maybe my brain was more sensitive to light or lack of it.
Maybe it was something I learnt from fallen leaves on a summers day.
Maybe it was an animal body reaction to a world that never switches off,
But is always sped up and illuminated by light bulbs and preconceptions.
I’ve lost count of the chunks of my life I’ve lost to this malaise, wherever it stems from.
But then… I shook myself free. The seasons shift and darken, but my soul doesn’t have to.
I know now that there are 3 things that help my heart to stay aflame in the dark:
- Connection to nature
Equinox and solstices, mead and candles. A walk in the woods through leaves and fungi. Drawing my winter self and the companions of this time. Soft yarn running though my fingers.
So this is my offering, for fellow squirrel souls:
Come join me in a warm safe place. I'll light candles for us and create rituals to mark the moons.
We’ll learn about and contemplate the animals that adapt so well to this time. They’ll inspire us with the wisdom we forgot.
We'll create and read and listen and connect to ourselves, each other and the natural world that holds us, our home.
Come join the hibernation of transformation.